These days, it is hard to come by an individual who does not know someone who has been divorced, or who has not been divorced themselves. In Hollywood, divorce is seemingly becoming a common occurrence, while paving the way for a society where we’re not only getting married later in life, but also searching for an almost unrealistic level of happiness in our marriage.

Many couples considering divorce refuse to believe that divorce can have a negative effect on their children. But many studies have been conducted that prove otherwise.

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As I mentioned in a previous post I’ve been putting together a list of free divorce, child custody and domestic violence resources from U.S. State Bar Associations. That list is now complete.

I’ve divided the list up into four groups, Alabama to Hawaii, Idaho to Montana, Nebraska to Pennsylvania and Rhode Island to Wyoming. Links to all the pages can be accessed from the side bar link called State Bar Divorce and Child Custody Resources.

In a recent post, Child Custody Lawyers Make War, Not Love, the lesson to be learned is that lawyers the world over love conflict. Conflict racks up thousands of extra dollars in billable minutes at the emotional as well as financial expense of clients, and their children.

If divorcing couples can fight over who gets the TV, lawyers handling a divorce involving children have a positive goldmine of conflict or potential conflict to exploit.
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The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports in an article dated July 10 that county judges in parts of Missouri - Madison and St. Clair - have introduced mandatory mediation in all disputed child custody cases.

The move to mandatory mediation is considered a positive action to help minimize the damage and cost of child custody cases.

Mandatory mediation makes sense to me. Too often parents who have built up a history of antagonism during their marriage bring their enmity with them when deciding on child custody issues. Mandatory mediation will help to calm the parents and encourage them to focus on the needs of the children instead of their own issues.

Child-focused cooperation between parents is also encouraged by the parenting plan, which must now be submitted in most states when filing for divorce.

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Whatever you do to minimize the impact of divorce on children, one effect is unavoidable: change. A child’s sense of safety and security is developed through consistency - a life that is much the same from day-to-day. Consequently, change is unsettling at best, and deeply disturbing at worst.

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An article in the British Daily Mail is a chilling reminder of what can happen when lawyers, not parents, control child custody cases.

My fight for every father explains how lawyers created such chaos that they drove an ordinary father to the extreme of abducting his own daughter.

What’s frightening is the stark contrast between how things began and how they ended.
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