If one of you has already spoken the words, I want a divorce, then you may think you’re already on a highway with no exits and only one destination. But if you are having second thoughts, don’t despair.

Rushing into a divorce is just as wrong as rushing into a marriage. You and your spouse have worked together over the years to face life’s challenges and now you must work together to save your marriage.

The strength of a marriage gives you an advantage over other couples who have never bothered to tie the knot. You both made a commitment in front of your friends and families to stay together through thick and thin.

If you are the one who said the dreaded word first, you will need to go to your spouse and explain that you were talking without thinking. Now that you’ve had time to think about it you know that the reality is that you never wanted a divorce.

Your spouse has been thinking about it too and probably feels the same way you do. Nobody really wants a divorce until a lot of bad things have happened and there seems to be no end to bad news. Practically every marriage can stand one big mistake. One mistake really only requires one apology if it is sincere. It is the multiple mistakes and multiple apologies that add up to an ultimate decision that the marriage is doomed.

If you really want to back away from this divorce then you are probably in a marriage that can be saved. Explain to your spouse that you really do want to spend the rest of your lives together and that you intend to deal with future problems in a more mature way, instead of just blurting out “I want a divorce”.

Just the word “divorce” is a painful thing for someone to hear when they have spent their lives dreaming of a wedding and a marriage and a house and two kids and a dog playing in the yard. The reality of life after divorce is enough to scare most people away when they really think about it and if you are a parent you have to consider the effect divorce will have on your children.

When talking to your spouse you should be discussing your common goals and the things you need to do to achieve them. You should be working together as a team to confront any problems and share in the triumphs.

If there is doubt about the wisdom of going ahead with divorce then consider using the services of a relationship therapist. Doing so does notmean that your marriage has failed. Think of it as both of you working toward the goal of a successful marriage. There are divorces that some people describe as successful, but the most successful divorce is nothing compared to a successful marriage.

Filed under: Deciding to Divorce

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