For one thing, telling a wife or husband that you want a divorce makes divorce real. It is the first actual step toward divorce – the pivotal point at which divorce is no longer “an idea” but something that is actually happening. In short, it’s a life-changing event.

Secondly, telling a spouse you want a divorce is one of the most emotionally-intimidating steps in divorce, hot on the heels of the emotional task of deciding to divorce in the first place.

Now, there’s the inevitably emotional task of telling your partner, and the uncertainty of how they will react.

All that’s certain is that there will be a complex mix of feelings in play – how you feel, how your husband or wife feels, and how you feel about how they are feeling.

Altogether, the task of telling a husband or wife about a decision to divorce is understandably intimidating. Ironically, the less conflict there has been in a marriage, the more intimidating it is – the decision is more likely to take a husband or wife by surprise.

Preparation is Essential

Unfortunately, fear of telling a spouse makes people delay and delay, or second-guess their decision to divorce even though it is quite clearly the right one. Many people do manage to tell their husband or wife but faced with their reaction, back down from their decision.

How do you overcome any fears you might have, and protect yourself from changing your mind?

Before you tell your husband or wife that you want a divorce it is essential to be fully-prepared by planning out your talk ahead of time.

“Planning” includes knowing when to have your talk, what to say and how to say it. It also means being prepared for and knowing how to deal with emotions – how you feel yourself when you tell them you want a divorce (which may surprise you) and how your husband or wife reacts.

Being well-prepared will achieve two important things:

• It will make the prospect of telling your spouse far less intimidating.
• It will help you stick to your guns – to the fact that you want a divorce.

Get a Ready-Made Plan to Help You Tell Your Husband or Wife

How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce provides a set of guidelines for telling your husband or wife about your decision.

It is not realistic to say these guidelines will make the process “easy” – ending a marriage is rarely easy. But, they will help you form a realistic and achievable plan of how your talk will play out – at minimum “cost” to either of you.

Even if you are not particularly concerned about how your husband or wife will be affected, how you tell them that you want a divorce will affect the nature of your divorce. If you are anxious to avoid a contentious divorce for your own and/or your children’s sake, it is wise to bear this in mind and start as you mean to go on.

Look Beyond Your Talk

The good news is that once you have told your husband or wife you want a divorce, you will experience a sea change in how you feel about divorce.

As with many “dreaded” situations in life, you’ll quickly realize that divorce is less frightening in reality than you’d imagined, and see the process of divorce for what it is. Challenging as it may be, at the end of the day it is just that – a “process” – with a great  deal of expert advice, services and self-help tools available to help you manage it effectively, day-by-day, step-by-step.

“Telling Your Husband or Wife You Want a Divorce” is an original article by Caroline Mackenzie, exclusive to this site and protected by Copyright.

Rita Bank - principal and co-founder of Ain & Bank Law, and one of Washington's top divorce lawyers.

Whether you’re a man or woman yourself, there are several ways in which a female divorce lawyer may be better for your divorce. This is assuming, of course, that they are first and foremost a “good divorce lawyer”.

Female divorce lawyers find other ways to win

It’s generally agreed that in all facets of life, women are typically less confrontational – more open to discussion, exploring alternative solutions, negotiation and (where beneficial) compromise. When women are also divorce lawyers, this translates into less likelihood that your divorce will end up being unnecessarily contentious, and therefore costly.

This is not to say that all male lawyers are aggressive, or that all female lawyers are not. And it certainly doesn’t mean that a female divorce lawyer will be a walkover – she will certainly “be in your corner” and as adequately equipped to fight your cause.

It simply means that women divorce lawyers can be (and often are) better at finding and suggesting alternative ways to “win” that involve less stress and expense.

It should be said that no divorce lawyer – male or female – should be permitted to escalate your divorce into a fully-fledged battle if this is not what you want. However, in the event that it’s necessary at some point to “get tough” there’s a good chance that a female divorce lawyer will be more adept at being tough with minimum conflict.

Better communication

Good communication with a lawyer is essential and most would agree with the commonly-held view that women are better listeners, good at reading between the lines and patient when explaining concepts and ideas.

Again, it’s not guaranteed but you may find it easier to get on the same page with a female divorce lawyer – that she will fully understand what you want and help you understand your options too.

Of course, good communication with your lawyer depends on you too. With this in mind, a female divorce lawyer is the better choice if you are generally more comfortable talking to women, or simply find it difficult to express yourself well.

Female divorce lawyers may be more appropriate

In general, you may find it just as easy to talk with men as women – you don’t have a preference – but divorce is not “in general.” You will need to discuss your marriage and the issues involved, in detail.

So, before drawing up a shortlist of good divorce attorneys, it’s a good idea to think these issues through. For men and women alike, a female lawyer is often the most appropriate.

For example, women may feel that certain details of married life will be easier to share with another woman, because they are deeply personal or not something a man would understand.

For men, the same applies, in theory – a male lawyer may seem like the sensible choice. But it’s a good idea to think twice. Many men are still more comfortable talking with women, about anything.

An added edge for Men

For men, there are a couple of extra benefits associated with hiring a female divorce lawyer. Firstly, the potential advantages of having an “inside track” on how a woman – including their ex wife – thinks, and how she is likely to respond to certain tactics. Secondly, being represented by a woman can help “decriminalize” men in Family Court.

Closing thoughts

As you can see, there are good solid reasons why women divorce lawyers can be better lawyers, not just in general, but particularly for you and your divorce case.

But a word of caution. Male or female, lawyers are lawyers and ultimately in business for themselves, so you need to be in the driving seat of your divorce, not your lawyer.

With this in mind, perhaps the most important “added value” delivered by female divorce lawyers is “better communication” – the ability to make it clear what you want and fully understand your options at every stage of your divorce. Add in the other benefits of a “woman’s touch” and the end result may be a divorce that’s cheaper, less stressful and “more successful”, thanks to a female divorce lawyer.

By far, the majority of divorces are filed by women. This means that women will usually have been thinking about divorce for some time – and longer than their husbands – by the time it becomes a reality.

In other words, women have typically had more time to prepare for divorce. Unfortunately, many women don’t really use this time well because they don’t have a plan.

On the other hand, many women ultimately decide not to divorce or to wait, because of concerns about the effects of divorce on children and the financial impact - can I really survive alone?

These concerns can be troubling enough to make women shy away from actually filing for divorce, even when it is clearly the best thing to do.

Of course some women have no choice – their husbands have filed for divorce or seem likely to, saddling them with these same concerns and uncertainties, like it or not.

In her ebook “Divorce Secrets for Women”, Cathi Adams helps women see their way clear to a less terrifying (and potentially much happier) life after divorce for themselves and their children.

She does this by providing a step-by-step plan to achieve a divorce settlement that maintains you, your children and your lifestyle.

In this sense, Divorce Secrets is not limited to helping women who’ve already decided to divorce. Cathi’s ebook also helps women who are contemplating divorce by showing the positive possibilities of life after divorce and (most importantly) how to achieve them with her step-by-step plan. Of course this also helps women who have been taken unawares by divorce feel more confident about their future.

This makes Divorce Secrets a worthwhile divorce resource if any of the following applies:

• You are thinking it might be possible that some day you’ll get a divorce
• You are leaning towards a decision to divorce
• You have decided on or filed for divorce
• You are separated from your husband
• You suspect that your husband may want a divorce
• Your husband has filed for divorce

In a nutshell, Divorce Secrets for Women is designed to:

• Help you make a healthy decision about divorce, based on logic not fear.
• Give you a step-by-step plan for favorable divorce settlement, and
• Help ensure financial security for you and your children after divorce.

In Cathi’s own words: “Divorce Secrets” gives you a plan of action from A to Z… From making the decision to divorce, to holding onto the money, to starting a new life, you will be guided every step of the way.”

There far too many “how to’s” in Divorce Secrets to mention in this review but essentially they cover financial, procedural and other issues, with a much greater (and more practical) focus on finance than most other divorce books – all easy to follow. For instance:

On the procedural front, Divorce Secrets covers:

• What to do before you announce a divorce or separation.
• Why timing is essential to your divorce.
• What you need to do to plan for a divorce or separation.
• What information you need to have on hand about your spouse.
• Why hiring a lawyer is the last step in preparation, not the first.
• How to save thousands of dollars in lawyer costs.
• 6 In depth Case Studies of actual divorces and what you can learn from them.

On the financial front, Divorce Secrets “how-to’s” include:

• How to divorce without sacrificing your lifestyle.
• How to assess your current financial situation.
• 20 essential steps to financial protection.
• How to evaluate your mutual debt.
• Easy ways to pay down marital debt and why it is important.
• How men are advised to hide assets and income to minimize your settlement.
• How to use your husband’s tax records to increase your alimony.
• Why you need cash on-hand at all times.
• How to stash cash for lawyer fees and living expenses.

Other issues tackled include:

• How to handle sensitive issues with children.
• 7 signs of a straying husband.
• 9 creative ways to catch a cheater.
• Why planning for your financial future is essential regardless of the status of your marriage.

What’s included in Divorce Secrets?

As well as the actual plan – Divorce Secrets: What Every Woman Should Know – Cathi’s package include 3 free extras:

• “Check Him Out! The American Woman’s Guide to Background Investigations”. In association with private investigative firm Washington Research Associates Inc. – how to use free public-record websites maintained by state and federal government agencies for a number of purposes, including unearthing attempts to hide or divert assets.
• “Cathy Adams talks about Divorce Secrets” - 83-minute mp3 audio. In this interview, Cathi details some of the strategies and know-how included in her plan.
• “The Divorce Recovery Self Help Guide For Women”. A self-help guide for women, to explore your current feelings, regain self confidence, and lay out a “game plan” for achieving the kind of life you want; and start moving in a positive direction.

Final word?

Divorce Secrets for Women provides a good solid nuts-and-bolts plan for about any woman considering or going through a divorce. Stand out features include the strong and practical emphasis on financial matters, and the fact that it shows that the grass can be greener (as well as how to make it green) – invaluable to help women make a healthy decision about divorce.

Cathi Adams’ Divorce Secrets is currently $47, including all the bonus ebooks and free lifetime updates – you can always download the latest edition at no cost.

The whole package is risk-free – it’s backed by a 60-day no-questions 100% money-back guarantee.

Feeling apprehensive about the process and outcome of divorce is natural, for men and women alike. But there’s no doubt that men are way more likely to feel pessimistic too – that they’re a sitting duck waiting for their wife, her lawyer and the judge to take their shots, and the bulk of everything they own.

And quite rightly. It’s a fact not fantasy that Family Courts often favor women in awarding divorce and custody settlements – that’s why an increasing number have commissioned gender bias studies to see just how bad the problem is. It’s also a fact that lawyers can’t really be trusted to “do their best” and when they don’t, it’s extremely difficult (and costly) for men to get a divorce settlement changed.

What this means is that men need to balance things up with solid divorce tactics and strategies. By being well-informed about the divorce process and what they can do to protect themselves, men can avoid being a sitting duck and instead, “win” their divorce.

If you’ve taken a look for help on this – for divorce tactics especially for men – you’ve probably realized that there’s not much available in the way of a “one-stop” strategies that cover it all.

One of the few worthwhile options is “Insider Secrets and Strategies that Men Must Know to Win their Divorce” by Jim Williams. It’s a hefty title but self-explanatory. The purpose of this ebook is to equip men with “insider secrets and strategies” to avoid a ruinous divorce settlement and ideally, turn the tables.

Author Jim Williams knows all about turning tables because that’s what he’s done by writing this book. He’s a former divorce lawyer and much of what you’ll find in his ebook is the kind of information that lawyers prefer clients don’t know.

While it’s great to have tactics from a former lawyer, there’s an added edge. Jim Williams specialized as a divorce lawyer for women. Or in his own words, “It used to be my job to “annihilate” poor saps like you before you even knew what hit you”.

So why the change? As he explains:

“I’m tired of seeing men being taken advantage of again, and again, and again. I’m tired of seeing men lose everything that they love, everything they’ve worked so hard to get, and losing valuable time with their children that no amount of money can ever buy back.

I’m so tired of this that I’ve decided to break the lawyers’ unwritten rules and reveal the inside information men need to win their divorce.”

Some examples of strategies and tactics are:

• The number one reason women file for divorce (and at twice the rate of men) and how to turn this to your advantage during divorce proceedings.
• How to separate from your wife without also being separated from everything you value.
• How to stop your wife hiring the best divorce lawyer in town.
• The biggest mistakes you can make with a divorce lawyer, how to avoid them and save thousands of dollars in the process.
• How to negotiate an equitable settlement as well as how to negotiate alimony and child support.
• How to dramatically lower your alimony payment – or even get rid of it altogether.
• The tax implications of a divorce settlement and how to ensure you get a big tax break instead of a big tax bill in the spring.
• How to win a divorce without going to court, saving hundreds of dollars in court fees.
• How to get a favorable divorce settlement faster than you thought and spending far less than you imagined.

As well as tactics and strategies, “Insider Secrets and Strategies” will also clear away the mystery and confusion surrounding the divorce process and help you get to grips with essential basics, such as:

• How to divide up property
• How to protect your assets
• How to find the right attorney
• What the correct divorce filing procedures are
• How to prepare for divorce court
• How to get back on your feet quickly after a divorce
• How to do your own divorce without an attorney’s assistance
• You can find out more about what this ebook can do for you at the website.

In summary then, Insider Secrets and Strategies for Men gives you:

• A one-stop strategy for winning your divorce
• Expert guidance  by a former divorce lawyer who is more than familiar with (having used them) tactics used against men during divorce.
• A complete strategy that works with or without a lawyer.
• And of course, the potential to save yourself a great deal of money and emotional turmoil, in the short and long term.

Personally, I’m a firm believer that everyone should be as informed as possible during divorce. It eliminates an enormous amount of unnecessary stress and expense but for men it’s especially important, helping you to feel in control of rather than victimized by divorce.

Insider Secrets and Strategies That Men Must Know to Win Their Divorce is currently $47 – equivalent to about 10 or 15 minutes with a lawyer. It’s also backed by a no-questions 100% money-back guarantee, making it a totally risk-free purchase. As it’s an ebook (.pdf document) you can download it right away to the privacy of your computer.

Until quite recently, the option to pursue a do-it-yourself divorce was more or less limited to those with very simple, straightforward divorces – few assets, no minor children and agreement on all fronts. Everyone else was still thought to need a divorce lawyer.

In recent years this has changed considerably. There has been a boom in organizations set up specifically to help more people file for divorce without a lawyer. For instance, people with children, larger assets or specific areas of disagreement or concern.

As a result, there’s now a huge number of people stuck between those who definitely don’t need a divorce lawyer and those who definately do. In other words, the answer to do I need a divorce lawyer is now more likely to be “maybe, maybe not” rather than a straight yes or no.

So how do you know where you fit in – if you need a divorce lawyer or not?

A good starting point is to look at the two ends of the spectrum – those who definitely don’t need a divorce lawyer and those who probably do.

The answer to do I need a divorce lawyer is almost certainly “no” if:

You have modest or negligible assets, have not been married long enough for your financial and other affairs to become totally entangled, have no children or no minor children, and no disagreements regarding your divorce – it will not be contested by either of you in any way.

The answer is almost certainly “yes, you need a divorce lawyer” if:

There has been abuse in the marriage, of substances and/or people, if you or your spouse are in the military, pending bankruptcy, suffering from mental health problems, incarcerated or pending trial, strongly suspected of hiding assets or have a history of evading financial obligations.

On the whole, these are situations which may be far more complex than the parties realize. They have or may have an impact that can be difficult if not impossible for laypeople to foresee, understand or manage successfully without expert help.

However, the need for a lawyer in these cases does not necessarily extend so far as needing a lawyer to manage your entire divorce. The key need is to uncover any “hidden” issues or considerations before proceeding with a divorce. (Make sure you find a good divorce lawyer with some expertise in your “risk area.”) After consultation, a lawyer may well advise that, all circumstances considered, you can in fact go ahead and file for divorce yourself, if that is what you want.

For everyone else, the answer is “maybe, maybe not.”

If you fall into this category, you most likely have a mixed bundle of simple and not-so-simple circumstances. Whether or not you will need a divorce lawyer will depend largely on the nature of the not-so-simple issues and the likelihood that you and your spouse can reach agreement, or at least be willing to try.

As mentioned above, a great deal of free and low-cost help with do-it-yourself divorces is now available so take this into consideration. It is also important to know that the same type of help is now available from divorce lawyers too.

After considering the above – your circumstances, your capacity to work together and available help – there are four possible outcomes:

• You feel you can overcome tricky issues and file for divorce yourselves, without any help.
• You can overcome tricky issues with the help of free and low-cost self-help divorce services available, and then file for divorce yourselves.
• You can deal with tricky issues by hiring a divorce lawyer to help with those issues alone, and file for divorce yourself.
• Your circumstances and/or ability to work together are such that you need or prefer to retain a divorce lawyer to manage your entire divorce.

You may notice that much of the advice you may read or have read already elsewhere is much more black-and-white than the advice offered here.

In part this is because it errs on the side of caution, and fair enough. Whatever you feel your options are, it is never a bad idea to consult with a lawyer to ensure there are no hidden dangers in the route you prefer to pursue.

Otherwise, a great deal of advice on this issue is simply out-of-step with current options which have grown in response to demand – demand for the control and other advantages of a do-it-yourself divorce but not at the expense of expert advice if and when needed.

The bottom line is, today far fewer people need a divorce lawyer and of those who do, many do not need a lawyer to manage their entire divorce.

Copyright 2009 Caroline Mackenzie
exclusively for DealWithDivorce.com

Most often divorce papers are referred to as an “end result” – as something people are “served with” or documents proving their current marital status.

Divorce forms or papers actually come into play at the very beginning of a divorce.

Completing divorce forms or papers is the first step in the divorce process. Once completed divorce forms constitute a “Petition to Divorce” which is then filed (for a fee) with the Clerk of the District Court. The divorce is allocated a case number and officially in the system.

Notice of the Petition to Divorce – that divorce papers have been filed – is officially delivered to the other spouse, a process often referred to as “being served with divorce papers.”

Types of Divorce Forms.

The exact nature of divorce papers varies from State to State (and sometimes from county to county, too) but there are basically three types or groups of Divorce Forms:

• Forms to be completed by the “Petitioner” – the person filing for divorce. These contain basic information about the marriage, income, assets and so on.
• Extra forms to be completed if there are children. These include a proposed Parenting Plan and proposed custody and child support arrangements.
• Response Forms, to be completed by the “Respondent” – the other spouse. Some may be the same forms as the Petitioner’s but completed from the respondent’s point of view.

The purpose of Divorce Forms

Though the exact nature and number of divorce papers to be completed varies from State to State their purpose is the same everywhere. They contain information the Family Court needs to process a divorce and if necessary, make judgements.

Completing Divorce Forms

In some cases, completion of divorce forms will be fast and straightforward, and the information they contain uncontested and easy to process. This is usually the case when there are modest assets, no children (or no disagreements regarding children), and little if any hostility. In these cases divorce will be a “rubber-stamping” exercise, completed in a matter of months.

In others, information in divorce forms is subject to a great deal of debate both before and after they have been filed, between the soon-to-be ex spouses and/or their lawyers. This is most likely when there are pre-existing hostilities, large assets at stake and fundamental disagreements about children.

In such a case divorce forms are a source of conflict rather than helpful, and contentious issues may ultimately need to be decided by the judge – usually after a great deal of time and expense.

Divorce Forms in a do-it-yourself divorce

Though important, divorce forms do not need to be completed by a lawyer or other professional. They can be completed by the Petitioner for Divorce themselves.

Divorce forms for people opting to file for divorce without a lawyer, are called “Per Se” Divorce Forms (literally, “by itself” or “in itself” divorce forms).

Because so many people are now opting for the advantages of divorcing without a laywer, courts have worked to ensure Per Se Divorce Forms are straightforward and written in plain English. In a do-it-yourself divorce the biggest challenge may be sourcing all the information needed, and math calculations relating to child support and so forth.

Help with Completing Divorce Forms

There are several agencies available to help people complete their divorce forms, including law schools, legal aid services and free self-help divorce clinics which are rapidly increasing in number.

In some States, people who help other people complete their divorce papers must sign a disclosure stating that they have done so, even if they did no more than point out where to sign.

Where can I get Divorce Forms?

Do-it-yourself divorce forms are widely available from a variety of sources, some free, some paid and some much better than others. See “Where Can I Get Divorce Forms?” for more details.

Copyright 2009 Caroline Mackenzie
DealWithDivorce.com

While divorce lawyers can advise on the legal and practical consequences of divorce they are not marriage counselors. For help deciding whether or not to divorce, seek the advice of relationship experts.

Many divorce lawyers charge consultation fees for an initial interview. As you will (or should) be meeting with several lawyers, this can add up to quite a sum. However, the fact that you are paying for their time is a good incentive to be confident and make sure you leave the interview with all the information you need to decide if the lawyer is a good divorce lawyer.

Be confident

To decide if a lawyer is a good divorce lawyer a large part of your interview will involve asking the divorce lawyer questions about their expertise, experience, fees and so on. Like many, you may find the idea of questioning a highly-trained professional daunting.

When interviewing divorce lawyers do not be apprehensive or nervous, or worry that you are insulting their professional standing by asking questions.

• Firstly, good lawyers value informed and pro-active clients.
• Secondly, lawyers may be awe-inspiring professionals but they are also in business. You are a potential customer who may ultimately pay thousands of dollars for their services. They should work to please you, not the other way round.

Be proud of the fact that you are acting responsibly by being selective about who gets your business.

Be prepared

• Educate yourself about the different routes to divorce – essentially, via mediation or through the court system – and know which route you would prefer. (Among other things, your interview should establish whether a divorce lawyer has a management style that is acceptable to you.)
• Prepare a list of questions to ask the divorce lawyer before your interview. Practice your questions with a friend so that you are comfortable with them. Don’t worry about whether or not you are using the correct legal terms. Lawyers don’t expect this – after all, you’re not a lawyer. The main thing is that the meaning of your questions is clear.
• Prepare a brief summary of your marriage. For instance, how long you have been married, problems leading to your decision to divorce, action taken so far, and complicating issues such as children, abuse, or substantial private or business assets. This will help you remember important points likely to affect the nature and cost of your divorce. It will also be useful if you are concerned about becoming overly emotional – simply give it to the divorce lawyer to read.
• Be prepared to be surprised by your emotions. Meeting a divorce lawyer will make your divorce a stark reality, something you may not have fully accepted yet.
• Despite common advice to the contrary, it is not necessary to bring your important documents with you. This is an initial consultation, the purpose of which is to evaluate the divorce lawyer. Asking you to bring what is often a very lengthy list of important (and at this stage irrelevant) documents presumes a relationship which does not yet exist. Indeed it may be viewed as a ploy to encourage a sense of commitment to the law firm. Documents are more properly requested at the “intake” stage, when you hire a lawyer for your divorce case.

Divorce Worksheets by US legal Forms make it easy to gather and organize essential information needed during divorce. Available for all 50 states.

Control the interview

Have a clear idea of the direction the interview should take, and guide it in that direction. It is recommended that you introduce yourself, provide some brief background details and ask your questions before you discuss your divorce in any more detail.

For instance:

“Thank you for taking the time to meet me. As you know, I would like to file for divorce from my husband/wife. To give you some background… [Provide a brief summary of your marriage].

My main concern at this time is to find a suitable attorney for my divorce so before discussing my marriage in more detail, I’d first like to ask some questions about your experience, fees and so on. If you need more specific information at any time, please feel free to ask.” [Ask your questions]

Record the lawyer’s answers

As you go through your list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer, take the time to write the answers down. If anything is unclear, ask for clarification.

Evaluate the lawyer’s attitude and responses

Throughout the interview, particularly as you ask questions, evaluate the divorce lawyer’s attitude and the quality of their responses.

During an interview, a good lawyer should:

• Make every effort to put you at your ease
• Use ordinary language not jargon.
• Listen patiently and with interest to your questions
• Take the time to answer respectfully and to ensure that you understand their responses.

Do not hire a divorce lawyer who makes you feel uneasy and seems offended or impatient with your questions, regardless of how qualified or experienced they are. Remember, you will need to ask questions throughout your divorce in order to be an active participant in your divorce. If cannot do this, you risk unnecessary cost and conflict, and a settlement you regret.

After you have asked your questions, you may or may not have enough time to discuss your divorce in more detail. Thank the lawyer for their time and let them know you will be in touch. Do not commit yourself to hiring the divorce lawyer.

Do not be shy to mention that you are interviewing other divorce lawyers. Again, a good lawyer will appreciate your efforts to choose the right divorce lawyer for your case.

After the interview

Directly after interviewing a divorce lawyer take the time to go through the information you have gathered while the meeting is still fresh in your mind.

Write down your impressions of the lawyer on a personal level – your gut feelings about the lawyer. Did you like them? Did you feel they are someone you can work with? Did they strike you as someone other people are happy to work with?

Do not underestimate the importance of instincts in the selection process. A lawyer needs to be more than a good lawyer. They need to be a divorce lawyer you can work well with.

Finally, however favorable your impressions after interviewing a divorce lawyer, continue to interview other lawyers on your shortlist to be certain that you have found the best divorce lawyer for your case.

Copyright 2008 Caroline Mackenzie

The following list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer will determine if they are a good divorce lawyer, a good lawyer for your case, and of course a lawyer you can afford.

Lawyers often charge initial consultation fees so you will want to gather as much information as possible. Ask the same set of questions at each interview – it will be easier to compare divorce lawyers – and don’t trust your memory. Write the answers down.

For more advice on the often daunting task of meeting with divorce lawyers, including when and how to ask these questions, see Interviewing Divorce Lawyers.

Questions about the lawyer’s Experience and Expertise

• What percentage of your cases are Family Law and Divorce cases?
• Do you have any special training or certification in Family Law and Divorce that distinguishes you as a “divorce specialist”?
• For how many years have you been handling divorce and family law cases?
• For how many years have you been practicing in this state/county?
• Do you have courtroom experience?
• How many of your cases went to trial last year?
• Do you personally have any additional expertise/experience that may be useful in my case? (e.g. financial expertise, extensive child custody and support experience?)
• What additional expertise is available in your law firm if needed? (e.g. accountants.)
• Do you have experts outside of your firm that you regularly work with? (e.g. accountants, psychologists, counselors.)

Questions about the lawyer’s Philosophy/Management Style

• What is your usual or preferred strategy or “philosophy” for handling a divorce case?
• Do you recommend mediation to your clients?
• In what circumstances?
• Are you a trained mediator/trained in collaborative law?
• Overall, what percentage of your divorce cases go to trial?
• In what circumstances?
• Do you encourage or discourage direct contact between spouses?

Questions to ask about Case Management and Contact

• Do you have time for my divorce case, or a heavy caseload at this time?
• How long do you think my divorce will take?
• Besides yourself, what other people in your firm would work on my case? (e.g. paralegals, associate lawyers)
• Will you be the person responsible for negotiating my divorce case?
• Who will I meet and talk with most often during my divorce? You or your assistant(s)?
• Will I be able to contact you directly?
• How will I be able to contact you – by email/phone/fax?
• Do you have a policy regarding how soon client calls are returned?
• Will I receive copies of all legal documents and correspondence?
• Does your law firm have malpractice insurance?

Questions to ask about Fees and Expenses

• Is a retainer payable and if so, how much?
• What are your fees per hour?
• How are your hourly fees charged? (e.g. by the exact number of minutes or in blocks of 5, 10 or 15 minutes, etc.)
• Do you charge additional or higher fees if a case goes to trial? (e.g. for days in court.)
• What are the hourly rates for the other people in your law firm who would work on my case? (e.g. paralegals, secretaries, associate lawyer.)
• What other professionals may I need to pay and what are their fees? (e.g. accountants, property appraisers, child psychologists, private investigators.)
• What other services will I need from your firm and how much will they cost? (e.g. new will, property appraisal, deeds, trusts)
• What office expenses will I be charged for? (e.g. faxes, photocopying, etc.)
• Are there any other fees/expenses that I need to know about?
• In total, how much do you estimate my divorce will cost? (e.g. a best case scenario/minimum cost, or likely range.)
• Are there any ways in which you believe your firm offers better value to clients?
• Will you provide a written agreement regarding fees and expenses?

Wrapping up

• Ask the divorce lawyer if there is anything else you should know or that they would like to add, and thank them for their responses.
• Ask if you can meet others in the firm who would work on your case, now or later.
• Ask if you can call if you have any further questions for the divorce lawyer.

Copyright 2007 Caroline Mackenzie

Men’s Divorce Tactics
Fight the bias.
Ensure you get a fair and favorable settlement.

A life ruined by a poor choice of divorce lawyer is a real possibility. Many people who did not seek advice on how to find a good divorce lawyer but trusted advertisements and word of mouth, have found this out to their cost.

So, how do you find a good divorce lawyer? First of all, be clear about the dangers of trusting advertisements or personal recommendations. Advertisements – even by lawyers – can be misleading (more on this in a moment) and a good divorce lawyer for another person’s divorce is not necessarily a good choice for yours. Every case is unique.

Instead, use the following advice on how to find a good divorce lawyer – a reliable set of standards for finding a divorce lawyer you can hire with confidence.

Find a lawyer who specializes in divorce, ideally within a law firm specializing in family law and divorce. A lawyer who specializes in divorce (and has done so for some time) will have a greater depth of experience and expertise than a lawyer who does not. This may seem obvious but there is a hidden danger.

Unlike the medical profession, there are no rules and regulations governing when a lawyer may or may not call themselves as a “specialist.” They are not required in any way to substantiate that they are a specialist.

To protect yourself from hiring a “divorce specialist” who is in fact a jack of all trades (lawyers can practice in any/several areas of the law they like) find a divorce lawyer who can substantiate that they are a divorce specialist. A genuine divorce specialist will understand your concerns and be ready to do this. Alternatively, limit your search to lawyers who work in law firms specializing in divorce.

Look for a divorce lawyer with extensive experience. Find a divorce lawyer who has been practicing for some years and has practiced for many or most of these as a family law and divorce specialist. Importantly, check that a divorce lawyer has sufficient experience in your state.

Like everyone else, divorce lawyers move for work and personal reasons. A new arrival in a law firm may be an excellent divorce lawyer but not yet up to speed regarding family law in your state.

Whatever you anticipate, be prepared – find a good divorce lawyer with extensive courtroom experience. Do not assume all lawyers have it – they do not. If you do need to go to court, your lawyer’s familiarity with the system, the complexities of the process and what works best with particular judges will pay dividends in terms of a successful outcome.

Alternatively, a divorce lawyer with courtroom experience will know when it is in your best interests not to go to court because you are likely to fail, saving you unnecessary cost and conflict.

Find a divorce lawyer who succeeds in and out of court. Even the most aggressive divorce attorney should be prepared to suggest an alternative to court when another option is more likely to succeed. Similarly, a divorce lawyer with a reputation for success through mediation should be prepared to “get tough” when necessary.

In other words, a good divorce lawyer is a flexible lawyer with the skills to succeed either way. A lawyer like this is more likely to win the settlement you want. So, look for a divorce lawyer with a track record of success both in and out of court.

Find a good divorce lawyer for your particular case. Think about any areas of your divorce that may require additional experience and expertise. For instance, if you have complicated or sizeable investments and retirement funds, look for a divorce lawyer with above-average financial expertise, or easy and established access to such, perhaps within the same law firm.

If you have children, it will be important to find a divorce lawyer with extensive experience of divorce cases involving child custody and support issues. Again, make no assumptions on this front. As many divorce cases do not involve children, many lawyers may have little experience on this front.

Find a divorce lawyer with an appropriate right philosophy, or “management style” for your divorce case. Your divorce will be more difficult than it already is if you and your lawyer are continually at odds about how it should be managed. Indeed, many people enquire how to switch lawyers mid-divorce. To avoid frustration and conflict it is important to find a lawyer who is “on the same page” as you in terms of what you consider the most appropriate approach for your case.

To know how to find a divorce lawyer with this in mind, consider various aspects of your divorce. For instance, do you anticipate an amicable or contentious divorce? If contentious, is there any hope that your spouse will be open to compromise and cooperation? Are you willing and/or able to fund a divorce case lengthened by conflict? And importantly, if you have children are you prepared to prolong a divorce which inevitably affects them too?

Men: fight the bias in Family Law and Divorce with tactics and strategies to get a fair and favorable divorce settlement

Personal qualities count too – choose a lawyer you like. Often overlooked in advice about how to find a good divorce lawyer is the importance of personal qualities. You and your divorce lawyer will need to meet, communicate and reach agreement on many points throughout your divorce. If you and your lawyer don’t get along, the process will be more difficult than it already is.

It is important, then, to choose a divorce lawyer who is someone you like and believe you can communicate well with. A lawyer with good interpersonal skills is also likely to get along with other people involved in your divorce, from secretaries to court judges.

Now that you know how to find a good divorce lawyer the next step is to prepare a list of questions to ask potential lawyers that will measure how well they meet these standards.

Copyright 2007 Caroline Mackenzie

In other matters in life making the wrong choice of attorney may lead to delays, errors higher than expected costs, and so on. The fall out is limited and recoverable. However, the consequences of choosing the wrong divorce attorney are far more serious and can affect your life for many years to come.

That understood, you need to know how to find a good divorce lawyer – what qualities add up to a wise choice for your divorce. In summary, an attorney should be two things: not only a good attorney but a good attorney for you and your divorce.

Remember, every divorce is unique. This is why you should not give other people’s recommendations too much weight. While helpful, they are not a reliable indicator that a divorce attorney is the right attorney for you. Similarly you need to be wary of advertisements.

To choose a divorce attorney wisely, choose on the basis of solid evidence – expertise, experience and other factors that are reliable indicators that an attorney is a good divorce attorney.

Copyright 2007 Caroline Mackenzie