Here are some simple tips on how to talk to children about divorce, a task that most divorcing parents dread. As parents, it goes against the grain to upset our children, especially when we are unsure of how they will react – or how we will cope with their reactions. It’s important to accept that strong emotions are inevitable and focus instead on ways in which your talk is an opportunity to do your children good.

By following these tips on how to talk to your children about divorce you can eliminate from the outset many of the fears and concerns that can cause long term emotional damage in children of divorce.

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As a parent looking for ways of helping your children cope with divorce, reassure yourself that they already have the greatest help of all – a parent who cares. Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Many divorcing parents are so wrapped up in their own emotions that they neglect to help their children cope with divorce.

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The purpose of parenting plans is to protect the children of divorce. Today, most states require that parents submit a Parenting Plan when filing for separation or divorce.

Parenting plans explain to the courts how divorcing parents plan to care for (parent) their children. They cover every aspect of children’s lives, where they will live, their education, religion, medical care, where they will spend Christmas, birthdays, and so on.

Parenting plans also deal with unusual events and situations. For instance, medical emergencies, or what will happen if one of you is sick and unable to have your time with the children. Parents must also explain how they plan to resolve differences if and when they arise.
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By Wayne Gillie
Divorce is all too common in western countries. Typically 50% of all marriages fail, and the unfortunate reality is that the words children and divorce apply to literally millions of kids around the world.

When a divorce occurs, children often feel like the bottom has fallen out of their world. The mother and father together in a healthy marriage provide a secure environment for children, and when this is suddenly gone they are susceptible to all kinds of emotional troubles. They may become aggressive, or they may withdraw. Behavioural problems are common, as is poor performance in schoolwork. Their confidence will often be affected when faced with the challenge of adjusting to a new reality.

Thankfully there are some steps that concerned parents can take to help their children cope with this painful experience.
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According to Rob Emery in his book The Truth About Children and Divorce, 75% of kids of divorce end up doing very well despite the parent’s separation. Does this happen naturally or do the parents actions have an impact on how the children will respond to the divorce?

Having experienced a divorce first hand, I believe the parent’s actions will have an impact on the children after the separation. Don’t get me wrong; some children will pass through a divorce completely unaffected while other kids will obviously need some help.

Recently, my two sons who live with their mom in a different province were visiting me for a week. During the visit, I saw my oldest son staring off into space one day with a far away look on his face. I asked him what he was thinking about and he made up some response about just looking at the forest. I realized the time was not right to discuss the matter but I asked him about it later that day. He eventually confessed he missed living in the same place as his dad but he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to make me sad.
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Any child going through a divorce is going to experience some emotional pain, feelings of loss, sadness, frustration and possibly abandonment or rejection. As parents it is important to help children through this difficult time in their lives and to protect them as much as possible from the divorce process itself, as well as the changes that will occur, both now and in the future.

As a parent there are several things that you can do to help your children get through the divorce with as little difficulty as possible. Both parents working together on this goal can make it even easier for the children.
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