There are thousands of studies and statistics relating to the effects of divorce on children. In most cases, the outlook is pretty gloomy, making the decision to divorce that much more difficult for people with children.

There’s no doubt that children of divorce do experience emotional and behavioral problems. What troubles me is these studies and statistics give the impression that divorce is solely responsible for those problems.

I think this is unrealistic. And I think it’s dangerously misleading for people trying to do the right thing by their children.

The fact is, by the time their parents reach the point of divorce, most children have suffered already – from the effects of a bad marriage. The trouble is, social scientists don’t take note of how these children feel and behave until after their parents divorce. And then blame their emotional and behavioral problems on, you guessed it, divorce.

Unfortunately, this leads many parents to spare their children the effects of divorce, leaving them stuck instead with the possibly far more damaging effects of their marriage.

A recent statistic shows that almost half of all marriages end in divorce. Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but maybe the hardest on children. Most often they experience many feelings that they do not understand. They go through a range of emotions and need their parents to understand. If you are going through a divorce getting to understand how your children are dealing with it is important.

When parents divorce they often put their children in the center of arguments and a game of emotional tug of war. To avoid this sort of thing parents need to work together. Even though their marriage is over they are still parents together. The child needs to understand many things about the divorce. Parents need to keep in touch with their children and understand the many feelings they may be having. Older children, especially, can go through periods where they act out as a way to cope with the divorce. Many times children feel the divorce is their fault. They may worry about the future and how to deal with other events, like parent’s day at school. Both parents need to show the children that they can work together and not fight. At the same time it is important to let the children know that you are not getting back together. Establishing some sort of family structure is a necessity to help children get back to normal.
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When it comes to divorce, infants have much in common with teens. People often overestimate a teen’s maturity and understanding, and underestimate an infant’s ability to know and feel anything at all about divorce.

As a result, both age groups often lose out in terms of getting the help they really need to cope with divorce. And during a divorce, infants do need help.

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Children of divorced parents are also more skeptical about finding true love and settling down. Before you decide that this article is trying to spoil you from enjoying your big day, this is just to make you aware of the facts so you are more equipped to enjoy your married life fully, even though you may not have grown up in successful marital surroundings.

As child of divorce, it is important not to lose hope by thinking that you are going to commit the same mistakes your parents did. You will have to be a little optimistic and think that you have learned from the mistakes of your parents to make sure history does not repeat itself.
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I found a short article in Psychology Today that says divorce can bring kids closer to the parents, especially daughters. Read it here.

A new report from the Children’s Bureau says an estimated 906,000 children were victims of child abuse or neglect in 2003.

I don’t have numbers to back it up but my gut feeling is that this estimate is very low. The report is about the consequences of abuse and neglect and not about the reasons for its occurrence. It would be interesting to know how many of these children’s parents are involved in bad marriages.

Below you can read a summary of the report or go to the Child Welfare Information Gateway to read the complete report.

Long-term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect (summary)

While physical injuries may or may not be immediately visible, abuse and neglect can have consequences for children, families, and society that last lifetimes, if not generations.
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