These groups exist to give emotional support and practical advice. Fathers find themselves in situations where there is conflict over custody and visitation rights. They may be widowed or a lone parent or have sole custody. Many fathers feel isolated and a group of men in a similar situation can offer shared experiences. In divorce, custody is usually given to the mother and some fathers feel short changed with the arrangements for visiting the child.

In the UK, the charity Families Need Fathers is a respected organization that helps parents of either gender.

Members are mostly fathers and the central concern of the group is to promote the children’s well being at times of family break up. They are working with the courts to persuade divorcing parents to put the interests of the child above their own.

Custody battles are especially stressful for the children caught in the middle. Families Need Fathers hopes to encourage mediation rather than adversarial action.

Families Need Fathers hopes to encourage mediation rather than adversarial action.

One of the more controversial groups to emerge from the rights for father’s movement is Fathers 4 Justice. Another of the fathers’ support groups to start in Britain, it now has branches in the USA, Canada, Holland and Italy.

The members feel very strongly that fathers are treated unfairly with regard to contact with children after divorce. There has been a series of publicity stunts in the UK to promote their cause. Protesters have dressed up as comic book superheroes on occasion, as when Batman and Robin scaled Buckingham Palace and Spider-Man stood on top of a crane. Members dressed as Santa Claus invaded the Royal Courts of Justice. The most publicity was gained when some men threw flour bombs at Tony Blair as he spoke in the House of Commons.

A number of organizations with their origins in the United States also strive for equal rights for fathers. These fathers support groups include the Million Dads March Network, Parents Without Rights and The American Coalition of Fathers and Children. All these groups believe in the importance of the father child bond.

Men, fight the bias in Family Law and Divorce with tactics and strategies to get a fair and favorable divorce settlement

So often, fathers and children have minimal contact or no contact at all. The movement campaigns for shared parenting, whereby joint custody arrangements can become the norm instead of the exception. This would mean that both parents have equal responsibility for the child and equal access and the need for fathers support groups will decrease.

The move to mandatory mediation is considered a positive action to help minimize the damage and cost of child custody cases.

Mandatory mediation makes sense to me. Too often parents who have built up a history of antagonism during their marriage bring their enmity with them when deciding on child custody issues. Mandatory mediation will help to calm the parents and encourage them to focus on the needs of the children instead of their own issues.

Child-focused cooperation between parents is also encouraged by the parenting plan, which must now be submitted in most states when filing for divorce.

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My fight for every father explains how lawyers created such chaos that they drove an ordinary father to the extreme of abducting his own daughter.

What’s frightening is the stark contrast between how things began and how they ended.

Simon and his wife Aneta separated on unusually good terms:

“I assumed we would have a civilized divorce and organize childcare as we’d always done – equally. We were such good friends I even helped Aneta pack and drove her to her new home.”

They had no trouble agreeing on child custody arrangements. As Simon had hoped, he and his wife agreed to have joint and equal custody of their daughter, Esti. She had two bedrooms, two sets of clothes and two lots of toys. She had the best of both worlds.

“At my home she played with her ferret, Fifi. At Aneta’s she played with Barbie dolls. There were some minor niggles. If I was late to pick Esti up one day, Aneta might punish me by being late the next time, but left to our own devices we could have worked that out.”

Then they hired lawyers to arrange their divorce.

“The second you hire lawyers you throw petrol on the problem. Little niggles get magnified. Solicitors want to make money – it’s in their interests to keep the dispute going.”

And keep it going they did, until a formerly friendly and mutually-respectful couple found themselves locked in a bitter and lengthy child custody dispute. A battle that ultimately cost Simon £20,000 ($37,000) in legal bills.

“Ours was just an ordinary little case at the outset,” says Simon. “But it got totally out of control once lawyers got involved. My story should be a warning to every parent.”

Divorcing parents must be aware of how easily lawyers can create or intensify conflict between them using the issue closest to their hearts their child. If they can agree on nothing else, parents should at least reach an agreement on child custody, make a plan, and stick to it. In fact in the US, many states now require that parents do just this, embracing a new tool for reducing conflict – the parenting plan.

Lawyers may not make much money rubber-stamping homemade child custody agreements but families will be whole lot better off.

Stay in control and win child custody with minimum heartache and expense.

(1) Percentage of practice devoted to family law
(2) Years of experience
(3) Certified specialist
(4) Law school and education
(5) Memberships

Percentage of practice devoted to family law
An attorney’s percentage of practice devoted to family law will help you assess how much experience and expertise he/she has with divorce and custody related issues. An attorney whose practice is 100% devoted to family law issues, such as divorce and custody, will likely have more expertise and familiarity with handling such cases than an attorney whose practice is not 100% devoted to family law.

Years of experience
An attorney is often valued by the number of years of experience they have in a particular area of law. The more years of experience an attorney has in family law, the more they can typically demand for his/her fees. Further, the more years of experience an attorney has with divorce or custody cases, the more likely he/she has worked on a case similar to yours and help you learn what you can likely expect and what the costs will be.

Certified specialist
Is the attorney a certified family law specialist? Some attorneys may seek to become a certified family law specialist by demonstrating extensive experience and testing in the field of family law. There are certainly attorneys with experienced and expertise in family law that have not sought out to become a certified family law specialist. Attorneys that advertise themselves as certified specialists may demand a higher fee.

Education
The fact that an attorney graduated from a prestigious law school does not necessarily guarantee that he/she is more qualified and more experienced in the field of family law than an attorney that has not graduated from a prestigious law school. The law school is however still something worth exploring because it may demonstrate how serious, dedicated, and committed the attorney was to his/her education. Additionally, some attorneys may have various education such as being a Certified Public Accountant or Licensed Clinical Psychologist. You will need to determine the value of the different education an attorney has and the cost that may go along with it.

Memberships
An attorney that has taken interest in the field of family law will often have memberships to organizations in the field of family law. Some memberships are available to any lawyer and some memberships are more difficult to obtain. An attorney that does not have any memberships to organizations in the field of law can often create doubt in the consumers mind about their interest in that field.

The information above about an attorneys qualifications can often be found through the State Bar website or through the Bar Association. As you seek to know more about an attorney’s qualifications, it is ultimately up to you to investigate the attorneys qualifications and set the bar on the minimum qualifications that are acceptable to you.

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Most couples start out by loving their kids and putting the needs of their kids ahead of everything else. But somehow, their values and good intentions can go astray, when the couples break up. Relationships aren’t easy, but the ending of a relationship, when kids are involved, is especially tough. The biggest losers, when these relationships end, are the kids. Not only have they lost some stability, but chances are they’ll be put in the middle of a custody battle.

Now that the relationship is over, what happens to the kids? Under normal conditions, both parents will want the kids, so a court usually decides on custody. After the court decides which parent keeps the kids, it will also determine child support payments. These are payments made by the parent without custody to the parent with custody. These payments help with the expenses of raising the kids. There are many factors that go into calculating child support payments, and these include the needs of the child, the income of the parent with custody and the paying parent’s ability to make payments.

Child support seems cut and dry, but it’s not. Once deciding the custody of the kids, the court also plays a role in deciding the visitation rights of the non custodial parent. And just because someone is a parent doesn’t mean they’ll automatically get visitation rights. If the court thinks that the non custodial parent may be a threat to their kids, the court can limit visitation or only offer supervised visitation. Many non custodial parents use their lack of visitation as an excuse for not making payments. And many accuse the custodial parents of spending the payments on items unrelated to the kids.

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In most cases, the court gives the mother custody of the kids. One of the basis of child support, is that in the past, men had all the wealth, so if the men left the relationships, the women and children were normally left in poverty. Of course, you don’t need to have been married to be responsible for making child support payments. Many men carry the logo “deadbeat dad”, because they’ve gone years without supporting their kids. Somewhere along the way the purpose of child support has gotten lost. Child support is about the child. It’s about helping support the human life that you’ve created. What reasons could parents have for turning their backs on their kids.

The State Department does have help available on this issue. Articles found at this State Department page help to answer the following questions.

• What countries does the United States have child support enforcement agreements with at present?
• Where do I go to get help in trying to enforce a child support obligation involving a resident of the U.S. and a resident of a foreign country?
• Which U.S. states have child support arrangements with which foreign countries?
• How can a U.S. passport be denied to a person obliged to pay child support?
• If there is no federal or state reciprocal arrangement on child support enforcement, what other options are available?
• How can a foreign child support order be enforced in the United States?

Child Support Abroad

Here are some points to consider that can help make the changes in your child’s life as easy to deal with as possible:

• It’s important to keep things as normal as possible after your divorce.
• Keep meal routines, set rules of behavior, and accepted methods of discipline.
• Relaxing limits, especially during this time of change, can make your child feel insecure.
• Don’t drop routines and spoil your child in an effort to help her deal with your divorce.
• Encourage your child to talk about how he feels about your divorce.
• Try not to downplay his feelings of loss or sadness.
• Listen and let your child know you understand his feelings and will help him through this time of change.
• Don’t add to her stress by expecting her to be your friend or to takes sides in any conflict you might have with your ex-spouse.
• Don’t say negative things about your ex-spouse.
• Don’t question your child after he comes back from time with your ex-spouse.
• Consistency in routine and discipline across both homes are important.
• Similar ideas about bedtimes, rules, and homework will lower anxiety.
• If you find you are having trouble keeping this consistency, don’t be afraid to seek outside help from a counselor or clergy.
• Remain calm in front of your child.
• Seek help from family, friends, or a professional counselor.
• Rest when your child rests; take care of yourself; make time for your own relaxation.
• Maintain warm, safe contacts with your child.
• Develop and use a network of friends and family.

These are the main points taken from an article by the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. You can read the complete article Their House-My House: Raising Your Child in Two Different Homes here.

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The Administration for Children and Families publishes lots of information. While much of it is directed toward social workers and other family support professionals the Child Support Enforcement Handbook is designed to help custodial parents directly.

Some of the chapters in the handbook include:

• Finding non-custodial parents.
• Establishing Paternity.
• Establishing a support order
• Enforcing child support orders across tribal, state and international borders.
• The rights and responsibilities of non-custodial parents.

The handbook is in pdf format so you’ll need the free Adobe Reader to open it. You can download the handbook here.

There is also another version of the handbook available. The main difference seems to be in the way the book is designed, not the content. This version is also available in Spanish. You can download both versions from this location.